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www.anchorandbirdblog.com

dear all,

i'm happy to introduce:

two wonderful blogs all rolled into one. you're welcome.

and you thought it ended there. . .

ava: where did we get this baby doll, mom?

me: it's not ours. it's chloe's.

fifteen minutes later. . .


ava: does this baby doll belong to us, mom?

me: no. it's chloe's.

ava: so, it's not ours?

me: i'm not answering that question.

ava: who does this belong to, mom? is this is our baby doll?

me: no. it's chloe's. and i already told you that. and i'm not answering that question one more time.

ava: this doll? this doll isn't ours? yes, it is, mom. it's ours. it's not chloe's. does this doll belong to us? is this our doll? does this doll belong to me or chloe? me or chloe, mom? is it chloe's? did i get this doll when i was a little tiny baby? is this my doll?

me: NO! IT BELONGS TO CHLOE! AND! IT! DOES! NOT! BELONG! TO! US!

ava: (after a pause) you mean it's not mine?

this morning

6:30 this morning. I am shamelessly still in bed. ava and seth are not. ava runs to my bedside, grabs my arm and shakes it.

ava: MOM! sethy is eating the DOG FOOD RIGHT OUT OF THE BAG!!

me: ugh, that's gross. 

ava: GROSS!

me: SETH! GET AWAY FROM THE DOG FOOD!! (no response) ava, go shut the cupboard door so seth can't get to sam's food anymore.

ava: what door?

me: the door where the food is.

ava: in the bathroom?

me: yes.

ava: you want me to shut it?

me: yes, please.

ava: the cupboard doors?

me: yeah.

ava: both of them at the same time?

me: Yes.

ava: so seth won't be able to eat sam's food anymore?

me: yup.

ava: that's gross. right, mom?

me: ava! go shut those doors!

ava: O-KAY!! i'm doing it!

dear all,
i'm not a fan of the extra work it takes to maintain a photo blog and a me blog and was wondering, how would you feel if i combined the two?

please comment and say 'yes' or 'no'. i'll even let you comment anonymously so my feelings aren't hurt.

thank you,
management

i'd like to register this complaint against my child

yesterday, seth was awful. like, i was getting a tour of all the gluten free options whole foods has to offer from a very enthusiastic whole foods employee and seth was doing everything in his power to deter me. like, taking off his shoe and throwing it. or nearly falling out of the cart, like, six times.

so, in the midst of his being awful yesterday, the boy kneed me in the jaw. and it hurt. it was an awful sort of pain that rang through the entire right side of my jaw and then moved into my teeth, then up next to my eye. finally, it settled in my right temple. and it stayed there. and i nearly died. the pain was massive, crippling. i couldn't open my eye, i couldn't talk. i felt like throwing up.

meanwhile, that awful child napped for only an hour and i had a magazine to proof read, a pr piece to follow up on, a photo shoot to arrange and a few phone calls to make. not to mention that the entire house was showing signs of my weekend insanity (i really did go insane last weekend. it was delicious). also, we might have to show up to my photo shoot naked because i really, really need to do the laundry.

guess what? ryan came home and watched the children for an hour while i held very still in our dark bedroom. and then, ryan's mother came and took the kids for the afternoon so i could continue to lay flat and ryan could get back to work.

it was wonderful. seriously, i wasn't quite sure how i was going to get through the day. what a wonderful, wonderful mother in law i have. she's so willing, so kind, so good. i am so grateful for her.

additional notes: the gluten free stuff isn't for me, it's for my mom. the doctors think she's allergic to gluten.

my weekend insanity resulted in: cinnamon rolls, waffles, wheat bread, banana bread, chicken noodle soup, fresh rolls, tres leche cake, chicken pot pie and plans for fresh butter. my friend cara has awakened the sleeping chef in me and i'm thrilled to see her again, although a little tired.

mother of year. i mean it.

today i got my mom on and made cupcakes. let me just restate that so you can appreciate it fully: I FREAKING MADE CUPCAKES.

now let me help you understand that statement: i am a maker of food, yes. but a maker of cute food? no. cake pops? not my thing. so when i sit down and say, "let's make cupcakes and then let's dye some coconut green and make nests on the top of cupcakes and take cadbury mini eggs and put them in the nests." you know i'm bored. and that maybe i have extra time on my hands? and some weird spurt of creativity that's not getting channeled into anything?

this all thrilled ava to the point of nearly sending her into cardiac arrest. the whole time she was like, WE'RE MAKING NESTS IN THE CUPCAKES? WE'RE PUTTING CANDY ON THE CUPCAKES? CAN I LICK THE BOWL? and i was all, of course you can. and then she nearly killed me with her gratitude. and then i felt like i was the best mom in the world.

what a rush. no wonder there are all of those mothers making cute little sugar cookies every holiday. these holiday treats? they make your children worship you. and here i've been, all this time, trying to get ava to just put on her freaking shoes so we can make it to the doctor's office on time. all i had to do was be like, hey! what if we made a log cabin out of licorice and pretzel sticks to celebrate abraham lincoln's birthday?

instant mother of the year award.

so after an afternoon of a small daughter who put on a little apron with gusto and stirred and tasted and licked and exclaimed with great enthusiasm i was feeling like perhaps i'd solved a few of the planer's problems. and ryan got home and i greeted him at the door with a giant cupcake topped with a mountain of coconut and some cadbury eggs and i was like, GUESS WHAT? I MADE CUPCAKES! AND THEY LOOK LIKE NESTS! WITH EGGS IN THEM!

and ryan smiled and said, "great." except it was like, great, you did something normal. so i pushed that cupcake under his nose and emphasized.

COCONUT NEST. LITTLE EGGS.

and his face barely flickered with interest.

sadly, at this point, my interest also faded and i registered that my huge project, yielding cupcakes covered in food coloring and chocolate had turned my kitchen in to a disaster area. over the next hour of clean up and small children coming off of a sugar high, i remembered why i never got around to making that house out of licorice and pretzel sticks: my children's willingness to worship isn't really worth the effort it takes to get it. maybe next year.

pictures to follow. if i can muster the strength.