an odd piece of advice

there has been talk among friends of bridal showers lately. we've reminisced on how ours turned out, games we've played, discussions we've had, food we've eaten and of course, the weirdest moment we had.

my weirdest bridal shower moment occurred at a shower i threw for a co-worker i barely knew. she had all sorts of family that showed up and some of them turned out to be a little odd (this woman that i am going to talk about wasn't really odd except that she was a newlywed and we're all a little weird as newlyweds, right?). we were offering advice and hers was this:

"argue naked"

after laughing hysterically until i was really red in the face, i explained why i think it's not bad to argue with your spouse (this could be another post for another time).

what's the worst/best/funniest shower moment you've had?

advice to new mothers

the support for my parenting magazine hatred has led me to write this post.

i find the advice they offer to new moms to be one-sided or empty. it makes me think of all the advice that i received that was actually helpful or the things i learned that i wish someone had told me about.

the best thing was talking to my aunt emily the day i went in to labor (not knowing it would be that day). she said, "you can do it. women have been doing it for generations. you can do it. and just when you think you can't, it's almost over." this is quite possibly the best advice i've ever received in regards to labor. the best.

i think that breastfeeding is the best option, but i think formula is so close that if you can't give your baby the best, it's not a big deal if you give him the next best. so if breastfeeding just isn't working out, don't feel like a terrible mother. your child will grow and develop just fine. there's no way to tell the difference between adults who were breastfed and bottle fed.

your newborn is not a reasonable creature. when i was reading books before ava was born, i thought i'd take ava home and teach her the difference between night and day and when to nap and when to eat. . .hah! ava was not even really all that aware of me except in the sense she could see me and i fed her. there was no reasoning, no convincing, no making of any points. that was a little scary at first.

don't let other people tell you things about your baby (just your doctor). i had a visitor after ava was born who was convinced ava was constipated. i didn't think ava was, but this person was convinced and kept telling me so. this made me worry and stress. you know what? i was right. because i'd been around ava for a week already and i knew how she worked. all that worry and stress just made for a few unpleasant days when they could have been fine. you should trust yourself as a mother because even if you don't know that much about kids, you know your kid.

what advice would you give to new mothers? and what was the best advice you received?

my drink offends me

i'm in jamba juice the other day and they've changed the menu layout, so i can't find "my drink". i ask, "what's the one that used to be called strawberry tsunami?" she looks puzzled, has to find a manager and he tells me. i ask, "why'd you change the name?"

he says, "it was when the tsunami hit in indonesia that they changed the name to strawberry surfrider. i guess to be more politically correct or something."

this puzzles me. it seems overly sensitive. am i right? are tsunami victims really sensitive about tsunamis? can you be really sensitive about natural disasters? i'm just having a hard time imagining that someone from the tsunami disaster would show up at a jamba juice and declare, "i was in a tsunami and the fact that you have a drink called strawberry tsunami is very, very offensive."

so, am i right? is this taking political correctness to a whole new level?

ignoring my options

as the primaries start wrapping up and as we start to really get a feel for who we'll be voting for in november, i'm feeling torn. because i hate every single candidate. i think i won't vote, but i feel awful about shirking such an important responsibility due to a sour taste in my mouth. so i want to hear about your plans and opinions. should not voting even be an option?

the best ever

sitting there in quiet, feeling comfortable and feeling that new little life wiggle about. it is just so . . .lovely.

let's hear your best ever.

man or woman?

ryan and i start the day out together and finish our day together (usually). sometimes, that's the common theme in our lives--our home and our family. he goes out everyday in a nice shirt and tie and sells payroll. this can mean making phone calls, stopping in to see someone without an appointment, visiting people who were referrals and bringing people starbucks so they'll like him and use his services. when he gets home he has all of this computer work to do, papers to fill out and even more papers to arrange neatly in some sort of file folder (i'm not really clear on what all those papers mean).

my day is a little different. i have to get up early if i want to exercise and shower before ava wakes up. i do all of my magazine editing stuff in the morning, my scripture study and minor tidying. when ava wakes up, i'm taking care of her, entertaining her, cleaning up after her and attempting to enrich her. my day is spent running errands, doing dishes, talking baby talk about princesses, juice and puppies.

at the end of the day, we're both tired. and we've both done different things. so my questions for you ladies and gentlemen, is this: is it easier to be a woman in today's world or a man?

my argument doesn't stop at comparing days, however. what about how boys and girls are raised and treated? what about the opportunities and expectations society provides for men and woman?

in the beginning i think boys and girls are treated the same. and they should be. i think, however, when you get to school age and you start to think about your life as adult, girls are given far better treatment than boys.

girls are told, you can do anything, you can be anything, you must do everything (because this is what your grandmothers and great-grandmothers wanted for you). if you have to be tough, be tough. because it's a tough world out there. but it's more than that, it's also: be skinny (but not too skinny) and be beautiful, be smart and popular and kind (but not a doormat). be a mother (but don't let it define you), be your own boss, don't marry young (it's a mistake, it's giving yourself up for a man). yeah, it's hard to be a girl because of the expectation, but at least we have guidelines.

with boys, i think it's different. their guidelines are contradicting. they are told: never open a car door for a woman (which later cane become, "i have to walk all the way around the car to open your door? like a slave?") but in the movies some suave and manly actor opens the door and all the women ooh and say, "you never open the door for me!" men are told to be manly; hide your feelings, but be modern and express them--but not too much. they are told to care about how they dress and then teased when they do. they are told with a careless shrug to be whatever they want and yet, make a lot of money. and to not pay for dates and to not expect anything of their women. i think being a man with tiny messages is harder than being a girl with all of the big messages.

but maybe i just think that way because i like being a girl and i'm grateful i'm not a boy. i knew what i was going to be when i grew up because so many people wanted to talk to me about it. and sometimes i envy ryan because he goes out everyday to do his job and everyone can slap him on the back and reward him for his efforts. it's easy to look at my "job" and see that i'm wearing jeans and playing with my daughter and when she naps, i sit down with a good book. but no one sees my efforts (except ava) and there are rewards for my efforts, but if i'm feeling cranky or unappreciated, they're hard to see. it's green grass on the other side sort of feeling.

so what about you, man or woman?

go organic

I'm an organic food person, and I just found this interesting little article which lists the top foods to buy organic and why. my favorite part of the article: they list alternatives if you can't find the following foods organic (obviously there are no suggestions for meat and milk and coffee, other than become a vegetarian and quit your coffee habit). the list:

1. Meat

2. Milk

3. Coffee

4. Peaches

5. Apples

6. Sweet Bell Peppers

7. Celery

8. Strawberries

9. Lettuces

10. Grapes

11. Potatoes

12. Tomatoes

the article can be found here

what i found to be scariest: the amount of chemicals that are poured on our foods. i read this book about a man who studied illegal aliens by living like one. he said when he was working in the fields it was disturbing how silent they would be. no bugs, no squirrels, nothing alive except for those men and women who were picking the food. he also described picking an orange and having all of this white flaky stuff fall from the fruits and the trees. it was dried pesticides and if you weren't wearing something over your mouth, it would make you sick. it also left their skin raw and red and their eyes watery.

so to me, organic is something i to do and i know there are some people out there who think it's a hoax (perhaps my husband, to a certain degree) just like they think global warming is a hoax.

is organic something you think is important?

ministered

by now everyone's heard of barack obama's slightly inflammatory minister, right? you know, the anti-white, anti-american man who preaches afrocentric religion? this has upset me for several reasons (none of which involve whether or not i love barack obama, i'm leaving political affiliation out of this one, alright?).

reason one: racism is something i feel very, very strongly about. i feel like we had the civil rights movement for a reason. not so that we could stop making black people drink at their own drinking fountains, but that we, as a country, could recognize the "all men created equal" line and understand it. in my book, racism is not okay. no matter what. not even jokes. not even if the race featured in the joke is not present. to know that this minister white is out and about preaching racist-based beliefs really, really bothers me. i feel like he's just causing more trouble, not helping anything. so when i heard on the news today that obama's rates are going back up and that no one thinks this will affect him for very long, i was really irritated. not because i want so badly for him to lose, but because apparently, racism is not that big of an issue to people. why not? (and i understand that barack himself is not saying these things, but you can't help but wonder. i mean, for twenty years he was an active participant in this church, he had a close relationship with a very outspoken and opinionated man)

reason two: having that minister is just silly. being president is something you plan for for a long time. so affiliating yourself with such an inflammatory character just seems ill-planned. like he's not taking this whole presidential campaign seriously. is he serious about being president? then maybe he should try to look as presentable as possible. this minister should be something his adversaries dig up from his past, not his present. so what's his deal?

how has this minister scandal changed the way you view Sen. Obama and racism?

to see or not to see?

we (my fetus and i) had another doctor's appointment yesterday, where i gave permission to my doctor to invade that baby's space! baby did not seem to appreciate it, turned his/her head face the other direction and "swam" so he was backwards. the ultrasound was blurry and , well, boring. i wanted to see something! and not just genitalia, either. my doctor became concerned for my happiness (more people should be like her) and asked me if i really, really wanted to know what i was having.

really? i don't. i mean, i do in the sense that i think that finding out the little bugger's gender will help me feel more close to him/her. i despise saying it and him/her drives me nuts (you too, probably). but every time i say "he" or "she" the person i am saying this too perks up and says, "he?" then i have to stop everything and explain, no i don't know what i'm having, i just don't like saying it. it gets old, you know? so i do care. but it's not like i'm waiting in anticipation, fingers ready with nursery paint buckets and sewing projects. honestly and truly (scout sign being made here), i just want the baby to be healthy. and if he/she is not healthy, i want it to be something that modern medicine can fix.

so what have you all done in the past? find out? wait? why?

what really gets my goat

here's a little fact for you: i have an ego. yes, it's true. i admit that i smirk when people say "nordstroms" or "barnes & nobles" or use words that really have no meaning at all like "nice" or "sweet" (for example: sweet husband, that makes me cringe). i think, "how silly they sound." and then i think, "i would never say something like that."

here's the saddest part about that: i hate people who have egos. i hate it when people are superior. in fact, nothing grates on my nerves more than ego. and i happen to, every tuesday, be surrounded by such enormous egos i should be dead by now. from brain hemorrhaging. because i swear, when they talk, i can feel my blood oozing in to my brain. it makes sloshing noises as i walk away.

that's a whole other blog entry (really, it is, and it shall be told because seriously? the stories!). the superiority i'm going to rant about today is parental superiority.

really quickly (sort of a refresher for those of you who may be new to the blog). ava's my daughter. admittedly, she's my only daughter and all of this stupid parental superiority is coming from parents who have more than one child (usually, sometimes i can't tell), but she is my daughter. i do spend 11 hours of my day with her. and 2 extra hours in the house cleaning up her mess while she naps. so i'd say i might be considered an ava expert, am i right?

so what's with the people who have to tell me about her? for example, the old woman at the grocery store. ava was mad at me because we were not taking the shopping cart with the enormous car attached. for several reasons, (1) it's big and awkward, (2) it's hard to push (really hard to steer), and (3) because i didn't want to. she's doing this half-whine half-heartedly slapping the handlebar of the cart thing where she's mad but it's fake and she'll get over it. and she does. because some grandmotherly-type woman is standing nearby and ava thinks, 'hey, maybe she'll tell me i'm cute.'

this woman eyeballs me (and i mean really eyeballs me) and says, "she's tired."

but it's not, "excuse me, but i'm a mother and a grandmother and your daughter seems kind of cranky so i was wondering if maybe she's a little tired? (don't worry, dear, we've all been there, being a mom is the greatest thing you'll ever do, but it's also very hard)"

no. that would have been nice. then we would have had a nice moment. then we would have smiled and i would have walked away with my head a little higher and ava's half-hearted temper tantrum falling on my deaf super-mommy ears.

no. she says, "she's tired." as in, you look like a terrible mother who doesn't know anything and didn't read any of the books and i'm a mother and a grandmother and currently your child is dying from the awful job you're doing.

so i smiled politely and said, "well, maybe." because for the record? ava was not tired. the child doesn't nap until early afternoon and this was early morning (like 9).

"no," says extra hostile granny. "she's tired. look, she can barely keep her eyes open."

i just walked away. but i wish i'd chewed her out. i don't care if you took in twelve teenage ted bundy's and turned them in to ward cleaver and they all come visit every sunday with a girl and a boy each and maybe even a dog and a pot roast. DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. because really? WHO ARE YOU? i am the child's mother and yeah, she didn't come with a text book, but i think i'm doing a pretty good job. SO BACK OFF.

in fact, i really wish i'd chewed her out. i really hope she's at the grocery store on monday morning.

let's hear your pet peeves.