happy birthday to you, bid-air

in the middle, fourth child from my parent's clan

aaron turned 14 on saturday. i really like him. he's my brother, he's got these GORGEOUS blue eyes and this amazing rock star hair and these freckles. . .he's pretty cute. he used to walk around the house trying to keep his eyes open and shut all at the same time. this caused him to walk in to walls and doors and fall down stairs, but it was hilarious. also, amanda and i put him in more dresses than he'd care to have us admit (we had sort of wanted a sister).

sheesh, i love that kid.

a favorite aaron moment: he is told to set the table and sulks. my mother says, "if you don't set the table, you don't get to eat."

aaron sulks some more, then asks, "what are we having?"

mom says, "spaghetti."

aaron considers this and then says, "i'm not eating and i'm not setting the table." he's then sent to his room, where he goes willingly, and we continue with the evening (note: i probably had to set the table instead). at dinnertime though, aaron slinks back in to the dining room looking dejected, as if he was forgotten. as he lifts a limp hand toward the roll basket my father stops him, "aaron? no. you gave up your opportunity for dinner when you declined to set the table."

aaron acts shocked and betrayed, "what?" he gasps, reaching again toward the rolls (his favorite).

my dad shakes his head and gestures towards the bedrooms with his fork. "excuse yourself," he says.

i'm certain that aaron sputtered and my dad insisted. then aaron slunked into the hallway, shut the door and sat just on the other side, wailing pitifully. this went on for several minutes. until: "you guys," he sobbed. "i hope you know it's illegal to starve your child."

this happened last week (just kidding).

happy, happy birthday, bid-air. you saved my marriage.

ps there were other pictures to be posted. lots. and they were good. but i took them with my mom's camera and my stupid computer is SO STUPID and it won't read her memory card. i don't know why. maybe because it's old (or maybe because it's stupid). for details on my frustration, ask ryan.

the great awake artist, my daughter

ava suddenly stinks at sleeping. this has always been her weakness. for some reason, she loves us so much that she wants to be with us all the time. and she wants to be with us awake, so she never misses anything fun (i don't blame her, we are a lot of fun). lately, she has been rather adamant about this, resulting in awful sleeping hours that would make normal people strangle her to death. instead, i just try not to giggle and avoid her wiggling little legs that are most likely going to kick me in the fetus and that hurts.

tell me how to get my child to sleep and stay that way before i stop giggling and start strangling.

27 weeks

today i am 27 weeks. that is 3 weeks until i have 10 weeks to go. doesn't it sound much happier that way? i mean, like it just might happen eventually?

the other morning i woke from a baby seth dream and NOT the stressful kind, like where i leave him at church and don't remember until the next morning and when i rush over, every thing's all locked up and he's in there, just sleeping in his carrier. ugh.

and not the weird kind either. like the time i dreamt i was giving birth and he came out feet first, but it was altogether rather pleasant. the doctor just grabbed him by the ankles and tugged and he just slid out, arms over his head like he'd been sliding. and i thought, 'that wasn't so bad. why don't they let them out feet first more often?'

this was the pleasant kind. i had a baby and he was cute. he had dark hair and he didn't really look like ava, and i was taking care of him. i fed him and dressed him and patted him on the back and snuggled with him. . .i woke from that dream feeling peaceful and excited. and then i remembered: three more months! oh the torture!

a difference i have noticed between fetus ava and fetus seth: fetus ava moved around a lot more as if she were uncomfortable (sort of mirroring how i sleep at night, i think). she was constantly rolling and stretching and pushing. seth's movements are more active and then peaceful, as if he plays for a little bit and then sleeps. it's hard to explain.

weekly mouse

we took ava to the zoo last saturday. near the end, completely exhausted, we let her push the stroller out of the zoo. she was so excited she didn't notice that we'd exited until it was too late. then she sort of did this throw-your-self-on-the-concrete-and-cry thing which resulted in ryan carrying her to the car like this. after that, she continued to cry but not because she'd been tricked in to leaving the zoo.

cream cheese brownies

something that being married has taught me about myself is how much i actually like to cook and bake. this may have taken my mother by surprise also. i was infamous in that house for burning things (and not just burning them, but sitting next to them as they burn with my nose in a book). part of it was the fact that ryan is such an awful cook (read: kraft macaroni and cheese) that someone had to do something. ryan didn't care. he even offered to make hamburger helper (his "fancy" meal) on sunday nights. no, thank you.

so i was plugging away, looking for recipes and actually watching the food so it didn't burn. i think we ate a lot of spaghetti those first few months. then i found my mother's favorite (and now mine), ca website and magazine called cook's illustrated. cook's illustrated is amazing. they look for the perfect recipe and then they write an article with the recipe to talk about how they got there and what their taster's thought. i love these magazines. anyway, since i love food much more than i had first supposed, i thought i'd start writing about it. then you could see the things i love. besides, i love it when people put their stuff up.

so last night, i made cream cheese brownies for ryan to hand out to people he hopes to impress. i try to make one thing a week and then package it up and he goes and hands them out. they are good. they are rich and chocolatey and the cheesecake-cream-cheese part is really good.

CREAM CHEESE BROWNIES

makes 16 2-inch brownies

2/3 cup flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate
4 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate
1 stick (8 ounces) butter
1 1/4 cup sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 large eggs, plus 1 yolk
8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature

1. Adjust oven rack to lower-middle position, and preheat oven to 325 degrees. Whisk flour, salt and baking powder in a small bowl; set aside. Coat an 8-inch-square baking pan with cooking spray. Fit a long piece of foil in to the baking pan, leaving pieces hanging over the sides to be used as "handles" when pulling the entire brownie out. Coat foil with cooking spray.
2. In a medium heat-proof bowl set over a pan of almost simmering water, melt chocolate and butter, stirring occasionally until mixture is smooth. Remove melted chocolate mixture from heat; whisk in 1 cup sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla extract; then whisk in 3 eggs, one at a time, fully incorporating each before adding the next. Continue whisking until mixture is completely smooth. Add dry ingredients; whisk until just incorporated.
3. In a small bowl, beat cream cheese with remaining 1/4 cup sugar, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract and egg yolk until of even consistency.
4. Pour half the brownie batter into prepared pan. With a spoon, drop half of the cream cheese mixture over batter. Repeate layering with remaining brownie batter and cream cheese filling. With the blade of a kitchen knife, gently swirl the batter and cream cheese filling, creating a "marbled" effect.
5. Bake until the edges of the brownies have puffed slightly and the center feels not quite firm when touched lightly, 50 to 60 minutes.
6. Cool brownies in pan on wire rack for 5 minutes. Using the foil handles, left brownies from the pan and place on wire rack. Cool until room temperature. Refrigerate until chilled, at least 3 hours. Cut into squares and serve.

my only critique? these are best when eaten at a cool room temperature, not straight from the fridge. but that's just me.

blankee

this is my blankee (it's the thing i'm wrapped up in):it was my mother's, given to her when she was fourteen. she calls it the "guilt quilt" because all the girls in her church class were making quilts and my mom thought that was stupid and openly made fun of the project. then she got really sick and went to the hospital and the girls from her class visited her and brought her a quilt.

it goes with me everywhere. i sleep with it every night and when i nap, i nap with my blankee. i love it because it is huge so it covers all of me, with extra to spare so i can bunch it up under my chin. and it is light so i can easily have it covering me on summer nights when it is too hot to use anything else. i took it with me on our mexican cruise. when ryan saw our very large and full suitcase he began to go through it and hold up items he didn't deem worthy. like the extra outfit i had packed (what if i spill or don't feel like wearing one of the other things i brought) or the extra two books (he had a point, there was really only one day for reading) or . . . my blankee. the look i gave him said very well that this was a non-negotiable (you'd think after all this time, he'd know). i took it to the hospital with me when ava was born (this is me calling my mom to describe the perfection that i consider my daughter to be):

when we were first married, it was a HOT summer night and ryan asked if we could just share the blankee. being a newlywed, i agreed. so this worked well (i told you it was big) until i fell asleep and i apparently gathered the entire thing around my body and used all of the extra for myself. ryan reports that he woke several times to try to wrestle the blankee back and failed (i've never been good at sharing). and when i am pregnant and exhausted? there is nothing better than wrapping up with my blankee and feeling comfortable (sometimes for the first time that day).

so tell me, is it strange for a grown woman to have a blankee?

37