Friday, March 21, 2008

to see or not to see?

we (my fetus and i) had another doctor's appointment yesterday, where i gave permission to my doctor to invade that baby's space! baby did not seem to appreciate it, turned his/her head face the other direction and "swam" so he was backwards. the ultrasound was blurry and , well, boring. i wanted to see something! and not just genitalia, either. my doctor became concerned for my happiness (more people should be like her) and asked me if i really, really wanted to know what i was having.

really? i don't. i mean, i do in the sense that i think that finding out the little bugger's gender will help me feel more close to him/her. i despise saying it and him/her drives me nuts (you too, probably). but every time i say "he" or "she" the person i am saying this too perks up and says, "he?" then i have to stop everything and explain, no i don't know what i'm having, i just don't like saying it. it gets old, you know? so i do care. but it's not like i'm waiting in anticipation, fingers ready with nursery paint buckets and sewing projects. honestly and truly (scout sign being made here), i just want the baby to be healthy. and if he/she is not healthy, i want it to be something that modern medicine can fix.

so what have you all done in the past? find out? wait? why?

11 comments:

redstarmama said...

I have known both times what the sex of each baby was, before my ultrasound. I still found out from the doctor, though, just to back up my personal knowledge (intuition?). I like to find out so I can start using the baby's name, rather than a pronoun. I used complain at Greer in utero when she would kick me.

Crystal said...

I had reasons for wanting a boy and reasons for wanting a girl, so I'm perfectly satisfied with what I've got. :) It wouldn't kill me not to know, but I certainly wouldn't go out of my way not to find out. We actually had to go back for a second ultrasound to find out we had a girl, because she was so modest that she had both hands and both feet RIGHT where we needed to see. I didn't mind having to go back, because I really liked seeing her swim around in there, and it was free.

The Nurse said...

well- we didn't know what chas was at our 20 week ultrasound... he also was a stinker and didn't want to give it up. but we ended up getting an ultrasound around 31 weeks because i just needed to prepare for him. and it was a good thing because as you know i thought he was a girl... and i would have had quite the surprise. and i would have had a little boy dressed in pink... and ruffle butts.

Annie said...

We always said that we'd find out what the baby was until we had a boy and a girl. Lucky for us that happened with our first two, so now we aren't finding out. I needed to know so I could be ready for the baby, as far as clothes and what not. Especially with Emily, because if I was having a girl I wanted to go shopping, gosh darn it! I think it will be fun and exciting to not know for the rest. If it bugs you to not be able to refer to your baby by a gender or name just call it by a nickname like Bug or Itty Bitty or even just Baby. Until we found out what Aidan was he was always Monkey.

PS: I love that you're asking questions of your readers now. Way to get us involved!

Freckles said...

With Kai I was dying to know since he was our first! And with Natalie I really really wanted to know since I knew she was my last!! But I knew what they each were before the ultrasounds. And I am so thankful I got one of each since I'm done!! : )

Liz said...

We always find out. Not for the paint or clothing reason, but just because we like to know. We figure it's a surprise whether we find out at the ultrasound or when "it" is born. I'm with you, I like being able to call him a him (never had a "her" yet). :) Good luck!

carol said...

Well, with my first two, the ultrasounds weren't so spiffy as they are now, and it didn't really matter to me whether I knew or not. With my youngest, well, I had to had an amneocentisis (not sure of the spelling) and with that they know FOR SURE. We figured, if the doctor knows, why not us, so, yeah, we knew when the opportunity presented itself to know, but it wasn't something we HAD to know.

Hernan said...

I decided not to know and one day I was like "What the crap is that?"

Eliza said...

We didn't find out with my son. We talked about it and decided it would be fun to be a surprise, and have that "culminating moment" in the delivery room of, "The baby's here! and IT'S A -- !" It was hard during the 15 or so minutes in the ultrasound room, but before and after, piece of cake. The ultrasound tech was really nice about it and said she wouldn't even try to look. (Who knows if she did, but it would have been hard if she was like, "Oh, there it is!") And she turned the screen away when she was looking at his pelvis.

Anyway it was really, really fun not to know. Then again pretty much every stranger I met said, "You're having a boy," based on the way I was carrying. And he turned out to be a boy.

No offense re: the clothes but what does a newborn need anyway? Onesies and rompers and nightgowns. We got those all in white, with some yellow or green mixed in. Then once he came I got lots of gifts, since no one wanted to get me anything until they knew the sex.

I think if I end up having lots of kids, or I have older kids who want to find out early, then I may do it sometime. But for now, I say go for it! A little suspense is good!

Long comment!

Eliza said...

I should add that the biggest convincer for me was that I had not one, not two, but THREE friends whose ultrasounds were wrong! Two expected girls and got boys and one expected a boy and got a girl. I didn't want that kind of surprise in the delivery room! But if I had to have an amnio, or if methods got more accurate, I would probably find out.

AnnieOfBlueGables said...

Several schools of thought. With 5 of my six, I knew in my heart what they were, or maybe I had "ordered" them. I wanted a boy so all my younger children would have a big brother, then I wanted a brother for him so they could be friends. Then I wished for a girl, and after she came I wished for another girl and another. But on the last, I was perfectly certain it was a girl, and when my husband told me he was a boy, I thought he was teasing until I looked myself.
My sister was pregnant with twins. They told her she had one of each gender. They came out two girls!
Last thought: I have a friend who gave the tech a teddy bear wrapped in a box with two ribbons. The appropriate ribbon was wrapped around the teddy's neck and the box was sealed by the tech. At Christmas they opened the gift and found out they were getting a boy. What a cute and clever thing to do.
~a