for auld lange syne, my dear

billy preston and aretha franklin. this is the greatest.

i think i was supposed to be born in the fifties.


happy new year!

how i spent my christmas morning

this is the picture we stuck on our holiday card. do you see us all looking at the camera? do you see that? isn't it amazing? i nearly hugged the gentleman who took the picture. granted, it's at the end of a hike and seth's in his pajamas (not lazy mothering, it was cold out and his pajamas are his warmest article of clothing. although you can blame lazy mothering if you'd like) and ava looks unpleasant. but lately, she's almost always unpleasant in pictures. my camera has ruined so much for her. if she keeps this up, her prom pictures are going to be horrific.

christmas was spent at home this year. by ourselves. both sad and happy, i'd say. i missed my brother's excitement. i think that ava needed their enthusiasm and experience to help her get into the groove of things. because the first five minutes she stared at the tent santa brought her with a look of suspicion. had my brother's been there she would have leapt headfirst into the tent and started pushing everyone else out. so eventually, she got it (i think when i pointed out that santa had given her a candy cane). but then all she wanted was the candy cane and i was dying to get her to open a present. so i took the candy cane away and appeased her tears and shouts of protest with a present. that's right, i'm a mean mommy. our house after the meager amount of christmas spirit we'd mustered had passed:



and of course, a shot of the tent:


now that ava "gets it", she loves the tent. way to buy a present, santa. and of course, a stocking picture (note the candy cane):

and seth, who mostly had presents opened for him and when presented with his presents, gamely gave them a few swats before settling back down (naked) with his daddy:

four years exactly

seriously? we make this look easy.

61

for unto us a son is given

internet, i wish you a merry christmas!

warms my heart

this.


also, this.

but mostly the first one. it's about time someone represented the "uncool" kids.

wanted

swm seeks household that doesn't include this:enjoys good conversation, great food and long walks. will tolerate anything that doesn't shriek, dance and insist that my every move is an attempt to tickle her. please.

60

funniest thing i've seen involving dead fish

weekly mouse

crept in to see if she was sleeping and saw this. she looks like her baby self. i was so taken by her, i unhinged my jaw and swallowed her whole. and internet, she was mighty tasty!

weekly guy

the kid won't smile if a camera is in his face. i've tried everything. finally i promised that his daddy was going to take him to the races and even let him place a bet on his favorite horse, strawberry lemonade with jim. he was all smiles after that. there's something about gambling and babies. . .

Bookies 2008

Best All-Encompassing Novel:

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. tolstoy is a genius when it comes to writing. so much of his book flew right past me because my understanding was so limited. i wish so much i'd taken a russian literature course in college. but i'd listened to stereotype and thought russian literature was boring and long. i'd love to listen to intelligent people discuss this book.

Best NonFiction:

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. i am fascinated by the middle east and this was such a unique and peaceful perspective. i really appreciated it.

Expanded My World:

The Serpent and the Rainbow; a Harvard Scientist’s Astonishing Journey into the Secret Societies of Haitian Voodoo, Zombies and Magic. So Interesting (with a capital I).

Most Well-Written:

Love Poems to God by Rainer Maria Rilke. his words make me fall in love.

Most Romantic Read:

Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen. it was indeed, romantic. and it involved animals (including an elephant) and circus freaks. how do you go wrong with that?

Best Read-It-Quick Pick:

Bel Canto by Anne Patchett. read it in a day. loved every bit of it. was sad when it was over.

The Year’s Least Favorite:

East of Eden by John Steinbeck. not my favorite, but well written.

Most Inspiring:

a poem by a guy named john peter cabaniss from my review days (spring semester). three lines and he made me want to cry. genius.

the black's song is long, slow, and deep

"what have you done with my people?"

"what have we done with ourselves?"

Best Re-Read:

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. This time around, that book was funnier than I remembered it being.

phamily photos

there is no such thing as all four of us being in the same frame and looking good. no such thing. there is also no such thing as two of us being in a picture together and looking good (that's how bad we are).

this december month has got me doing all sorts of preparations for the holidays. this includes christmas cards. which makes me think: i need to include a picture! so i've been trying to take one. and trying. and trying. this even inlcuded me wandering the perimeter of my parent's newly remodeled home and trying all the doors and windows until i found one and we took one inside the room that will soon be the computer/office room. those pictures were terrible. plus, i looked fat (i did. i know because i told my mother this and she said, "you do not!" then i showed her and she didn't say anything. this did not offend me. this is an example of why i love her). i looked fat because i was using a box the remodelors left behind and my camera and the timer button. i would push the button, urge ava to use her pretty smile and not her creepy scrunchy smile and then run to sit next to ryan and not lean forward. because ryan has a small head and i might have a big head and when i sit next to him and lean forward in pictures his head looks teeny-tiny and i look, well, fat.

i refuse to not include the family photo because i hate it when people don't include theirs. i want to see everyone! especially if they've had a baby. and i really want people to include cheesy, badly-written bragging letters that make other people's eyes glaze over. i eat those up. and i laugh. sometimes i call ryan to read them out loud to him. his eyes glaze over when i do this so i can't do it when he's driving in the car.

so, does anyone have any suggestions or stories of a similar thread which will make me feel better? also, i will get a cute family picture if it kills me. or if i just have to tie ava's hands down so she stops wiggling and saying, "seth's tickling me!" because he is not.

59

a forgotten toy

siblinghood

i love the fact that ava adores seth, but she is just way too violent. i love the fact that she wants to pay attention to him, but geez! she's going to scar him for life with her devotion. she grabs at his face, pats (hits) him on the head, lays her body across his entire body, squeezes his cheeks, shrieks in his ear. . .

"ava, be careful!" i say (repeatedly), "seth is just a baby!"

"but mom," ava says, louder than necessary, "ava's a baby TOO!!"

58

morro bay, thanksgiving 2008

how to have some quality time with a newborn

peaceful

i leave them alone for two seconds and this is what i come back to see. ava is singing seth the good morning song.

when pregnant with ava i thought, am i really going to love this little girl? and i did. a lot. when pregnant with seth i thought, how could i possibly have enough love for another baby? and i did. because ava is my baby. and seth is my baby. and i love them separately instead of altogether. sort of like how i love peppermint bark and the beach separately.

weekly guy

weekly mouse

at the tidepools. ava is holding what she thinks is a jellyfish. really, i have no idea what it is. i only let her touch it because my brother touched it first and didn't die.

happy thanksgiving!

we went to san luis obispo, where my dad's family is. it is beautiful there. so beautiful.

i am grateful for extended family, their delicious food and the things i remember when i am with them. and i'm grateful for hernan, an honorary family member and photographing buddy.

i'm grateful for a day spent completely outdoors. i'm grateful for naps in the car, for barefeet and for trees. it's been too long since ryan and i hiked around some trees. i'm also grateful for animals. and cameras. and our future that someday will not involve nap schedules.

yes, that is my blankee. and yes, she stole it. and yes, seth is sleeping on the floor of the car. he wanted to be there, he told us.

and, of course, what would a gratitude post be without a picture of these fantastic folks?

excuse us, it's impossible for us to take a good picture. (i'm talking to you, small child with the finger in her mouth! seriously?)

what a fantastic holiday! when's the next one?

57

thanksgiving teaser

who was there:

where we went:

how we felt about it:

i had this whole big entry planned. i was going to tell you that those people being targeted are my people. i was going to tell you what the gospel (and therefore the church) means to me and how if i know anything i know this first: we are God's children. He loves us. He made us with purpose. He is forgiving and accepting.

I should be too.

it just wasn't coming out the way i wanted it to, so this is all you get.

my goal: i'm going to live in such a way that when people say awful things about mormons the people listening will say, "that can't be true because i know miriam."

56

do i miss it? do i miss it? hmmm. . .not really.
what i miss is weather cool enough to drink hot chocolate.

weekly guy

from the archives

september 2008

cutest picture of someone holding seth

weekly mouse

from the archives

november 2006

same age as seth. look at that snow!

TEMPLE PROTESTS GO TOO FAR

In the name of tolerance, great intolerance is shown. The biggest bigots in our society are the ones who routinely accuse others of bigotry.

That troubling trend has never been clearer than it was last week when thousands of supporters of a militant homosexual agenda, upset by an electoral defeat, marched in mass protest on two Mormon temples.

Blaming The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for marshalling voters against them, a thousand activists shouted outside the Mormon temple in Los Angeles, and the next day some three thousand others staged a protest at the Salt Lake temple.

Let me repeat. Unhappy at having lost an election, protesters surrounded and intimidated places of worship.

In America.


An organization of opponents to gay marriage quickly formed. Generally, it was comprised of people whose opposition was based in religion. Namely, Roman Catholics, Evangelicals and Mormons. Leaders of all three faiths – as represented by the Catholic bishops, Focus on the Family and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – asked their followers to support the effort to pass Proposition 8.

And they did, with their money and their votes. Though outspent, defenders of real marriage worked hard to convince their neighbors that banning gay marriage was the right thing.

And the effort was successful.


In the run-up to the election, gay marriage supporters ran television commercials vilifying the Mormon Church. And in the wake of it, though the measure to ban gay marriage received more support from Catholic, Evangelical and traditionally black churches, the gay activists have targeted Mormons.

No protests or public criticism directed at the Roman Catholic Church, Focus on the Family, any traditionally black churches or any Evangelical denominations – just at Mormons.

That is probably because the Mormon Church is smaller than the others and less well understood or accepted publicly. It is also a religion which some people have hard feelings or prejudices against.

Simply put, it makes a better scapegoat.

It makes an easier boogeyman for gay activists to attack. Discomfort other people of faith may have with Mormonism is being used as a wedge to drive those other people of faith away from the movement against gay marriage.

The goal is to make the impression that it is Mormons forcing their views on others, that people off in Salt Lake were evil puppet masters pulling the strings on others.

Which is preposterous.

Yes, Mormons were active. Yes, Mormons did disproportionately donate money to support Proposition 8.

But, no, the Mormon Church itself did not give money to the campaign. No, the Mormon Church did not “order” or “command” its members to do anything but follow their conscience. And, no, the Catholic, Evangelical and traditionally black churches which oppose gay marriage do not do so because they are being manipulated by Mormons.

Rather, this was an issue on which these groups, which may usually disagree on doctrinal matters, were able to agree and work together.

Which brings us to the thousands who have surrounded and jeered the Mormon temples.

Having been rejected by the majority, they seek to persecute a minority. It was not Mormons who rejected gay marriage, it was a majority of California voters. And the anger of militant gay activists is purposefully misdirected in an effort to confuse and intimidate.

And in a display of blatant bigotry.

We do not protest at places of worship in America – unless they are Mormon places of worship.

Those who favor abortion rights do not protest outside the parishes and cathedrals of Catholicism. Those who denounce militant Islam do not march around American mosques. Supporters of Palestinian rights do not shout through loudspeakers outside synagogues.

If they did, we would be offended as a society, and see the impropriety of their deeds.

But thousands can hatefully mill outside the gates of the sacred buildings of Mormonism and do so with impunity, knowing that their actions and motives will go unchallenged, that the evening news will bring them nothing but the publicity they seek.

In the name of tolerance, intolerance is done. In the supposed fight against bigotry, bigotry is both motive and tool.

The homosexual agenda demands acceptance and promotion of its values, but denounces and attacks the values of others. It demands the right to marry, but assaults the right to believe. In demanding that its voice be heard, while forcing silence on all who dissent from its agenda.

And the intolerant left has grown so totalitarian in its demand for orthodoxy that it has staged protests to attack the outcome of an election. That’s where America is today.

Or, more correctly, that’s where evil is today.

Because traditional marriage is good, and its counterfeit, gay marriage, is evil. It is a simple matter of absolute and eternal truth. You either believe in God and his law or the shouting activists and theirs.

And most Americans feel that way, though few of them will say it out loud. That’s because they’re afraid – afraid that if they do, they’ll be attacked the way Mormons are being attacked now.

Which is why this is taking place. In an act of bigotry against houses of worship, supporters of the homosexual agenda are sending a shot across the bow of every church, mosque, synagogue and temple in the country.

Either keep your mouth shut, or get what the Mormons are getting.

Here’s hoping that that warning will be ignored, and that people of conscience will have the courage of their convictions – that people of all faiths will stand their ground. Contention must be avoided, but not at the cost of capitulation.

Americans do not lose their civil rights because they believe in God or worship with their fellow believers. People of faith are as free to vote and speak their mind as anyone else.

What this episode teaches is that people of faith had better stand together in the defense of their rights, or they will be picked off one by one.

Because the Mormons are just the beginning.

- by Bob Lonsberry © 2008

Go to Column:
http://www.lonsberry.com/writings.cfm?story=2504

tag!

miss annie tagged me up.

the rules: fourth photo from your fourth folder (fun to say).

hernan, ryan and me outside of the church. hernan really likes that church building and i think he's the one that wanted it to be taken. i also think this was taken with his camera which makes me wonder how i got it (did you send this to me, hernan?).

anyway, a few things i'd like to say about this picture:

this was right before we got married. like within a week.

i look pretty foxy. amazing, i didn't even realize it. those were the days. . .

i tag: erica. crystal. tara. jenn. sister. my mom. and liz.

fo shizzle

my brother, 11, announces that he's going to get a job with the geek squad when he grows up.

i say, "excellent. you can help me with my computers."

he looks a little shocked, then puzzled, before he says, "are you even going to be alive then?"

obviously i am perceived as the young and hip sister.

bloggity blog

today i blogged here. because that's how i roll.

55

speak up!

i went to a wedding reception last saturday evening with my youngest child. he was a hit! people wanted to look at him, to tickle his little double chin, to tell me how adorable he is (i say, "thank you." my mother says, "i know!" she's right: being a grandma is better).

have you ever noticed that people will talk to your babies instead of to you? i hate that. they look at the little guy and ask, "what's your name?" with mouse, this just confused me. i didn't really answer until they looked at me again, obviously wondering why i wasn't answering. it's not like i thought she would answer, i just wondered if maybe it was a rhetorical question since it was obvious to me that newborn mouse didn't even notice anyone was even looking at her.

so i did what any new and confused mother would do, i went to my own mother and asked her about it. "what am i supposed to do?" i asked.

with a shrug, she said, "you just answer for your baby." since this practice is so irritating, i thought of ways i could answer to show them i disapprove of the whole talk-to-me-through-my-baby technique. one option: answer in a teeny-tiny pretend newborn voice. and insist on keeping up the conversation through the baby. or the less offensive tactic, not say anything until they look at me and say, "he's the strong, silent type."

weekly mouse

if i could eat her, i would. and i'd wash her down with a raspberry juice squeeze.

weekly guy

more on having two children

they're both napping right now, and i'm trying to get a few things done in that small amount of time. obviously, i'm not doing a very good job. instead of sitting here typing, i should be sorting through the clothes piled on the couch. or cleaning out the cupboard where i store all of my project stuff.

but i'm not. instead i'm going through pictures of my kids and thinking about what it means to be a mother and how i can do a better job.

my goal this week: play more with my children.

i don't play with them enough. and i was thinking about that as i was going through the pictures today, that these little babies were growing old and moving outside of my embrace.

seth is too big for his 0-3 month clothing. i'm dragging my feet about pulling them all out, folding them up and storing them away in a big plastic container in the garage. because do you know what that means? it means baby seth and not newborn seth.

i call him "friend". because he is. he hangs out with me, his head in my elbow, his legs trailing like an unfinished sentence across my lap. more and more of his little body touches the outside world when i hold him tight. how can this be? i was just posing for the camera in my wheelchair, waiting for the hospital volunteer to steer me to my car with my brand new pointed baby in my arms.

seth is an industrious leg kicker. he does so with vigor when i put him down. and ava takes that opportunity to "play" with him. this usually means she "gently" lays down next to him, where half of his body is trapped under hers and she's giggling and writhing about as his little fists bump her chin. "tickles!" she laughs, wiggling some more and accidentaly smacking the side of seth's head. he barely notices. it's because he is younger and this is not the first time.

"sing a song," she commands, her hand wrapped around his entire forearm, ready to wave it in the air in time to the song i choose to sing. before i open my mouth, i think about how she asked me to do something with a sentence. seeing me hesitate, ava prompts, "please."

music is ava's favorite. more than princesses, i'd wager. we have regular dance parties, we sing songs constantly and when she is playing by herself i hear her sing.

i want to capture these moments in jars and sleep with them by my pillow.

i love him

manly

it's his birthday today. that means chicken alfredo for dinner. for some reason, whenever it's his choice as to what we eat for dinner, he requests that dish. and chocolate cream pie for dessert (it's good chocolate cream pie, so it makes sense).

so here's to manly, my best friend. thanks for saving the red starburst candies for me.

ps is there anything more attractive than a man with a baby strapped to his chest? i think not!

54

how they'll stick it to the mormon man

more prop 8. i am now embracing the fact that this isn't going to go away and i'm going to write about it.

have you heard the one about invalidate prop 8? it's a website urging people to donate money so they can do two things: 1) use the money to invalidate prop 8 and 2) (this one is my personal favorite) send a postcard to President Monson (the prophet and president of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints) for every five dollars donated. they're hoping that it adds up to a lot of postcards.

what a waste! so all of that money that they send, they waste the first portion of it on paper, ink, postage and time just to stick it to the mormon man. and what are they envisioning exactly? an old man getting the mail early one morning in his robe and slippers and being saddened at how many postcards he'll find? do they think he'll rethink his entire position, repent and seek forgiveness? let me tell you how it'll go: they'll send it to the church office buildings where people will go through the mail and take all of the silly cards out and THROW THEM AWAY. or recycle them.

and here's the note they'll be sending on the postcard:

Dear President Monson:

A donation has been made in your name by _______________ to "invalidateprop8.org" to overturn California's Proposition 8 and restore fundamental civil rights to all citizens of California. The money will be donated to legal organizations fighting the case and to support grass-roots activities in support of full marriage equality. Although we decry the reprehensible role the Church of Latter Day Saints leadership played in denying all Californians equal rights under the law, we are pleased a donation has been made on your behalf in the effort to overturn the discrimination your church members helped enshrine in the California Constitution. Given that throughout its history the Mormon Church has been subjected to bigotry, we hope you appreciate the donation in your name to fight religious bigotry here in California.

it reeks of something i sent to my parents when i was fourteen and outraged (by like, my curfew or maybe by not being allowed to go to my friend's house because i hadn't done all my chores).

it makes me chuckle. so does this.

kind of the same thing, no?

weekly guy

weekly mouse

she went on this ride all by herself. she had no problem doing this. i, on the other hand, was terrified. being her mother just freaks me out.

ps

i am now going to work on my anger and make it disappear. then i'm going to work on my love.

then i'm never going to post on the prop 8 subject again.

silly me, i thought it was over

now that pop 8 has won, there have been rallies in front of the mormon temple where gay activists yell, "bigot!" (always a favorite from those people) and "shame on you!"

apparently they're mad because mormon members raised 20 million dollars and if we'd just kept our mouths shut they would have won. you could use that argument for any election. for example, maybe if oprah had kept her mouth shut about barack obama, he wouldn't have won, either. fact is he did run. and he won. so now he's the president. and people protesting this doesn't change things.

at first i was really sad about prop 8. and, when i'm not angry, i still am sad. this whole thing has been such a mess. but then the courage campaign came out with their ad depicting mormon missionaries ransacking a lesbian couple's home and telling them they were there to take away their rights. so now i'm mostly angry.

here are some statistics on the vote, to help some of you realize that the mormon church isn't responsible for your loss and maybe show you that we did nothing outside of the law. prop 8 won because a little more than half of californians aren't ready for gay marriage and i know that to some people that's appalling, but its the truth.

the facts:

1. Mormons make up less than 2% of the population of California. There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.

2. Mormon voters were less than 5% of the yes vote. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6% of the Yes vote and 2.4% of the total Proposition 8 vote.

3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the Church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating.

4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country.

5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported.

6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8.

7. African Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70% of Black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8.

8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic).

9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, Evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims - all supported Yes on 8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California. Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members.

10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or her self. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views.

11. The Church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . ." The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process, to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that Churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The Church as always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature.

12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support, and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair, and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars, and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do - we spoke up, we campaigned, and we voted.

trick or treat!

this is the kind of post only family cares about. my apologies to those of you who wanted something of substance (but seriously? when have i ever delivered anything of substance? keep your standards low, people!).

ava as dorothy from wizard of oz (and no, she has no idea who that is). almost every picture of her is blurry. she no longer holds still. it's awesome. seth went as a baby wearing a sweat suit with a pumpkin face on it. see how his expression matches the one on the sweat suit? he's a lively one, that seth.

the day began with pumpkin carving. ava wanted both to smile. she was adamant about this. i think she's seen too many scary things this year. when scared, ava puts her hand to her chest and pats it, saying, "scary". it's darling.

i made ava do most of the work. she described the innards as "goopy". she says that word with great clarity.now the child is obsessed with matches. she loves them, she talks about them, she wouldn't leave the pumpkins alone and burned out the little pumpkin's candle extra fast by throwing several matches in there. can you tell i am a pumpkin carving fool? (i am not) the evening ended with a lively round of trick or treating. our first stop was to my parent's house where we practiced. it was a good thing, too because my mom opened the door, ava spotted the candy and pushed my mother aside to get to it. it took about three houses to get all that out of her system. while watching other children get candy at my parent's house, ava began to fuss and pointing to the candy, cried, "my trick or treat! my trick or treat!"

we left my parent's and met our friends back at the house for trick or treating around the cul-de-sac. their daughter, eliza, is ava's best friend. naturally, i didn't manage to pull my camera out to get some pictures of the two of them together.

"trick or treat" and "boo!" are also said with great clarity. i'm grateful that three phrases we use once a year for one day only can be said so well. it makes my job easy. . .for one day only once a year.

this year was the most fun i've had on halloween since i was a kid myself.

happy halloween!

also, happy halloween

my reasons to vote yes on prop 8

see what france discovered here

or the shorter summary, here

MONTREAL, March 20, 2006 (LifeSiteNews.com) - In late January, a 30 member parliamentary commission of the French National Assembly published a 453 page Report on the Family and the rights of Children, which rejected same-sex marriage.

this report is based on studies conducted by france on the five countries who have legalized gay marriage. france turned down gay marriage, concluding that it led to higher rates of teen pregnancy, higher levels of domestic violence and impinged on the rights of children.

this is why i'm against gay marriage. kids have a right for a chance at a two gender parent home, but also a need. gay marriage takes away that right.

and that reason has nothing to do with religion.

proposition 8

i have started this entry a million times and have gotten nowhere. a lot of people that i know have written entries concerning proposition 8 and they're feelings about it and i haven't written one (well, one that i've published). i just can't figure out how to put it in writing.

first, let me say this, proposition 8 makes me feel as though someone is holding my heart just a little too tightly. it doesn't hurt, but it makes me ache.

we were at a wave today (a wave is where you stand on a street corner and hold the signs and people honk and then you shout things like, "yes on 8!") and on our same street corner were no on 8 people holding signs and shouting. everyone was so angry! they were rude and emotional. i walked up feeling a little nervous with my little 2-year-old and my brand new baby and they were shouting at us.

"bigots!"

"i'm for equal rights, you're just a bunch of hypocrites!"

one girl used the 'f' word and when i pointed out that ava was standing right next to her she started accusing me of hurting my child.

i felt sick.

you know what? i get that they feel passionately about what they're doing. i get that. and i get that they feel a great injustice is being done. and you may not believe me, but i totally get that. when i see a gay person and i think of how they might want to get married and i'm standing there with a sign telling people to vote against that. my marriage has brought me so much joy and when i think about telling someone they can't have that, my heart begins to feel that hand holding it just a little too tightly.

but in california gay couples have every single right as a married couple, it's just not called marriage. and i consider that to be a compromise: they can have every benefit, every blessing, every right as a married couple, only it's not called marriage. and in return, i can teach my children about homosexuality and marriage and family the way i believe and not have some teacher teach it how they see fit. because marriage isn't a civil right. it's the optimal foundation for family and the optimal foundation of our society.

there has not been one part of this proposition that i have enjoyed. not the walking door to door, not the phone calling, not the letter writing. when i think about why i'm not okay with gay marriage, i have a difficult time getting it out properly. i'm not even getting it out properly right now! but it has been such an emotional journey for me, so much worry and grief and shock. and i haven't written about any of it (I barely talk about it).

tonight people were hateful. this one woman was saying awful things, the anger in her voice made me feel cold. i couldn't believe that anyone would talk to me like that. i had done nothing. i held seth in my arms and i watched her, i even followed her around to hear what she was saying, completely shocked at the amount of anger in her tiny body. i didn't even know her. and you know what? had we met anywhere else--anywhere else she would have walked away my friend. and i hers.

so i walked over with some cookies i'd made for the kids while we stood on the street corner and i offered them to the no on 8 people. because i wasn't mad at them. and i wasn't so hateful. i was mostly really sad that they saw me as such a different individual than i really was. we ate cookies and talked and for a moment no one was angry.

i am not a mindless follower. i am not a hateful person. i am not. and i would never, never talk to anyone the way some of those people were talking tonight. never.

the way i see it, proposition 8 is the closest thing to a compromise that i can find on this issue. we get to keep marriage traditional and they get all of the benefits and rights as a married couple. it's equal--the rights are all the same. but it isn't alike. but you know what? we're not alike. i'm not taking anything from anyone, i'm meeting them in the middle. just because you want something doesn't mean you should have it.

when this is over, i'll be so glad. i want to be able to be friends with people again. i don't want to sit down with a dad at the park and know that if he knew my political stand he'd be angry with me.

H-E-double hockey sticks

My mother: This is the zit from hell.

Ava: ZIT FROM HELL!!

(to be fair, this is not her first swearing moment. i was the cause of her first swear word which was worse than this story. this story is funnier to me because i was there to witness it. and, ava was talking about acne)

Like mother, like daughter

Years ago (many years ago) my dad wrote a letter to his parents and described me as "an incorrigible crybaby". i'd like to take this opportunity now and describe my daughter as the same and hope that one day, like me, she'll grow out of it. and maybe that day will come sooner rather than later.

like tomorrow, maybe.

weekly guy