man or woman?

ryan and i start the day out together and finish our day together (usually). sometimes, that's the common theme in our lives--our home and our family. he goes out everyday in a nice shirt and tie and sells payroll. this can mean making phone calls, stopping in to see someone without an appointment, visiting people who were referrals and bringing people starbucks so they'll like him and use his services. when he gets home he has all of this computer work to do, papers to fill out and even more papers to arrange neatly in some sort of file folder (i'm not really clear on what all those papers mean).

my day is a little different. i have to get up early if i want to exercise and shower before ava wakes up. i do all of my magazine editing stuff in the morning, my scripture study and minor tidying. when ava wakes up, i'm taking care of her, entertaining her, cleaning up after her and attempting to enrich her. my day is spent running errands, doing dishes, talking baby talk about princesses, juice and puppies.

at the end of the day, we're both tired. and we've both done different things. so my questions for you ladies and gentlemen, is this: is it easier to be a woman in today's world or a man?

my argument doesn't stop at comparing days, however. what about how boys and girls are raised and treated? what about the opportunities and expectations society provides for men and woman?

in the beginning i think boys and girls are treated the same. and they should be. i think, however, when you get to school age and you start to think about your life as adult, girls are given far better treatment than boys.

girls are told, you can do anything, you can be anything, you must do everything (because this is what your grandmothers and great-grandmothers wanted for you). if you have to be tough, be tough. because it's a tough world out there. but it's more than that, it's also: be skinny (but not too skinny) and be beautiful, be smart and popular and kind (but not a doormat). be a mother (but don't let it define you), be your own boss, don't marry young (it's a mistake, it's giving yourself up for a man). yeah, it's hard to be a girl because of the expectation, but at least we have guidelines.

with boys, i think it's different. their guidelines are contradicting. they are told: never open a car door for a woman (which later cane become, "i have to walk all the way around the car to open your door? like a slave?") but in the movies some suave and manly actor opens the door and all the women ooh and say, "you never open the door for me!" men are told to be manly; hide your feelings, but be modern and express them--but not too much. they are told to care about how they dress and then teased when they do. they are told with a careless shrug to be whatever they want and yet, make a lot of money. and to not pay for dates and to not expect anything of their women. i think being a man with tiny messages is harder than being a girl with all of the big messages.

but maybe i just think that way because i like being a girl and i'm grateful i'm not a boy. i knew what i was going to be when i grew up because so many people wanted to talk to me about it. and sometimes i envy ryan because he goes out everyday to do his job and everyone can slap him on the back and reward him for his efforts. it's easy to look at my "job" and see that i'm wearing jeans and playing with my daughter and when she naps, i sit down with a good book. but no one sees my efforts (except ava) and there are rewards for my efforts, but if i'm feeling cranky or unappreciated, they're hard to see. it's green grass on the other side sort of feeling.

so what about you, man or woman?