many happy returns

the mouse is two.

oh. my. gosh.

can that be? can it really be that i, a girl, have a toddler? as time goes on, i understand more and more why my parents behaved the way they did on my wedding day. or that time i got on the bus all by myself to ride up to san luis obispo and my mom got on after me and asked me (in front of the whole bus) to sit closer to the front (i was embarrassed). then she cried the whole way home.

the other night i was getting ava ready for bed and i held her like a baby. i was telling her, "when you were first born you were so tiny and i held you like this all day long." ava merely touched the rim of my glasses gently and said, "mommy's glasses."

this has been the best experience of my life. sometimes, when i'm watching her dance in just a tutu and sing along with the princesses on tv, i think of how my life didn't have the purpose it does now. and it's not just about making sure she has enough fruits and vegetables in her diet, or that she learns not to run in the street but to hold my hand and be careful, it's serving her completely and loving her and learning to be patient when she wants to stop and watch the ants instead of run and get in the car so we can pick up ryan's dry cleaning. ava is fulfillment to me that i didn't know until she arrived.

so, there she is, two years old and crying when i leave her in nursery for two hours and then crying when i come to pick her up. fickle, curious, independent, funny, observant and lovely.

my mouse. happy birthday.