to seth: welcome home, sorry if your sister kills you

seth has come home. our little family is complete (and our little living room is suddenly a lot smaller).
ryan couldn't come to the hospital because ava isn't allowed in the nicu, so he stayed home with her and i went and picked him up (and fretted while a hospital volunteer eagle-eyed my fitting the car seats straps around a tiny newborn). ryan and i were so excited to see ava's reaction to seth. would she be happy? would she be mad? would she be jealous? would she even care?
one look at that little thing and she promptly burst into tears. it was hilarious. lucky for us it only lasted a minute. then she decided that she did like him after all and wanted to hold him. now that's all she wants to do. i am often being bellowed at (not that that's any news-it's just now there's a new and exciting subject matter).
"HOLD BABY!" she says, sitting on the couch, her arms extended.
my newest and greatest fear is that ava will kill seth with kindness. she is often "feeding" him small things she finds on the floor or "playing" with him by dropping enormous stuffed animals on his face and then leaning on them. she likes to hold him by herself which involves her grabbing him by the neck and pulling him in. this one is a little tricky because if you try and take him away too quickly her grip will tighten (please don't send child services to my house. i'm attempting to resolve this issue by always having one of them with me at all times. i am never alone. ever.).

weekly mouse

ava's favorite things about the hospital: the tiny tvs by the beds. the child was captivated by the home shopping network. she watched suzanne somers sell a pair of jeans and agreed wholeheartedly when suzanne said, "the embellishment on these jeans is so right."

a story of seth

labor was intense, twelve hours long and induced. induction, by the way was awful. remind me never to do that again.
pushing was amazing. i felt calm and ready and in control. also, i pushed for ten minutes (that may have helped).
it's interesting how things worked out this time around. especially when you compare them to last time. with ava, everything was fast and intense and hurried. pushing was hectic and intimidating. but it was a hundred percent natural, something that i had set a goal for a reached. so even though i nearly lost my mind in the pushing process, i felt really good about how things went.
with seth, everything was medical intervention. i was induced, i had pitocin and i eventually got the epidural which was a much needed eye in the storm. the family joke is how next time i can have a c-section and the time after that i can shoot for a vbac. then i'll have experienced all four major birthing techniques!
the best part was meeting him for the first time. with ava i was so busy pushing her out i didn't realize i had pushed her out, so when they handed her to me i looked at her for a moment thinking, "what is this?". when seth was being pushed out, i could feel him and knew where he was and what he was doing. i wanted him to come out, i wanted to hold him and as i pushed, that's what i thought about. and when they laid him on my chest, i loved him. he was all smushy-looking and purple and covered in a thick, thick layer of vernix but he was the most beautiful little boy. i knew who he was and i felt so connected to him. and all of that miserable pitocin-y labor flew out of my mind. i would do it all again in a heartbeat.

so i'm home now (the blogging should have clued you in to that), but seth is not. after hanging out with us for a little while the nurse noticed that he seemed to have a lot of extra fluid in his lungs and recommended that we get him suctioned out. turns out, she was right. but it wasn't just fluid, there was a little tear and he was retaining carbon dioxide. they were pretty worried and hooked him up with to all sorts of wires and told me i couldn't hold him and wouldn't be coming home for about four or five days. but the next morning, he was already doing much better. his x-rays were clearing up ("he moves around a lot" the nurse informed me. this made me laugh because, yeah, i knew that. i was pregnant with him, remember? the child literally shared my space with me for nine months), he was breathing on his own and normally and that night he was allowed food. which he eats like a champ. yesterday morning's x-ray confirmed his tear was gone and he'll be coming home on wednesday, if all goes well.
i can't wait to have him home! and i can't wait to introduce him to ava (who probably thinks that whole mommy's-got-a-baby-in-her-tummy story is rubbish. because i am now home with no extra-large tummy and no baby. i expect it'll extra confusing when we go to the hospital, pick out one of the many babies through the window and take him home with us).

look what i made

seth carlisle

born august 23, 2008
weighing 7 pounds 2 ounces
length: 20 inches

mouse flashback

one year ago

i guess i'm spending all of this time looking at old ava pictures instead of important things (like cleaning the bedroom so i can vacuum it) because tomorrow the doctor is going to break my water and then. . .then i'm going to have a baby.

see you monday!

weekly mouse(s)

this is probably the only piece of clothing that has ever captured my heart. ava wears it often.

i love this dress almost as much as i love her.nah.

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keepin' it real since 2006

warning: this post is the kind of post that only grandparent's appreciate. skipping is completely understandable.

ava's birthday party was a week and a day ago and i just barely am getting around to getting the pictures off of my camera and on to this blog (where you have been anxiously awaiting them. no need to lie, we all know the truth). my excuse is that i'm pregnant which also worked as an excuse when ryan asked me why he couldn't drink out of my water bottle.

in the pool. obviously. here she is probably saying, "swimming! swimming!" while furiously pumping her legs and waving her arms. it is charming to her parents and her grandparents and perhaps, her future husband. all others are immune.

receiving her first crown. a crown that she can't quite get on without any help and a crown that she refuses any help getting on. i have nearly crushed it beneath my heel many times. but i have resisted because once she does get it on, the effect is quite charming.
me pregnant. there you go, the last picture of me and gestational seth that i ever hope to post (and yes that is my belly button and yes, i know, it's huge. it is also irrepressible).
ava and the gift that made all the other children cry (save the child who was playing with it). who knew plastic food would hold such a strong appeal to the 2-year-old mind? also, notice the crown worn hip-hop style. that's how she rolls.
and finally, ava as a princess. one of these days i'm going to move my pregnant self from the couch to the floor and dress ava up and take some real pictures. ava is adorable (and old looking) in her princess dress. sadly, she was moving too quickly to get a decent picture.

special thanks to my sister for being party photographer.
and special thanks to my parents for hosting the party. it was a hit.
AND special thanks to ava for being born. because then who would be shattering my eardrums crying over crowns worn backwards?

a mess

ava willingly makes messes. then she holds her hands and up and refuses to do anything more until they, at least, are clean. she will announce this by saying, "a mess," in a sort of disappointed and grave tone.

i feel like i am a mess. not a mess, so much, as my motivation to get things done has melted and now it is pooling up all over the place and leaving messes everywhere i go. i can't help but feel not being pregnant might resolve this melted motivation, but then i remember that not being pregnant anymore will result in a baby who will create messes and require hard work and i think, am i really up for that?

i have no idea.

does anyone have any suggestions for solidifying motivation and putting it to good use?

hugs for everyone

seth has dropped. this part is the best part of pregnancy because it is so weird. so weird. really, really so weird. but also because it makes me feel like something is finally going to happen. like, i won't be pregnant anymore (the best option of several, i believe).

he dropped saturday while we were at the beach enjoying ourselves. he dropped with great enthusiasm and it made me yelp, "what the hell?" then squirm around for a few minutes while he settled down. way down. ryan gave me a look that said many things (mostly "be quiet" we have a parrot child). i now look both ready to go at any second and very uncomfortable. and guess what? i feel very uncomfortable, but in a way that makes me giddy. because i'm going to have a baby in just a few weeks! and then i'm going to be able to hug people! and i'm so ready to hug people. i even dream about it.

many happy returns

the mouse is two.

oh. my. gosh.

can that be? can it really be that i, a girl, have a toddler? as time goes on, i understand more and more why my parents behaved the way they did on my wedding day. or that time i got on the bus all by myself to ride up to san luis obispo and my mom got on after me and asked me (in front of the whole bus) to sit closer to the front (i was embarrassed). then she cried the whole way home.

the other night i was getting ava ready for bed and i held her like a baby. i was telling her, "when you were first born you were so tiny and i held you like this all day long." ava merely touched the rim of my glasses gently and said, "mommy's glasses."

this has been the best experience of my life. sometimes, when i'm watching her dance in just a tutu and sing along with the princesses on tv, i think of how my life didn't have the purpose it does now. and it's not just about making sure she has enough fruits and vegetables in her diet, or that she learns not to run in the street but to hold my hand and be careful, it's serving her completely and loving her and learning to be patient when she wants to stop and watch the ants instead of run and get in the car so we can pick up ryan's dry cleaning. ava is fulfillment to me that i didn't know until she arrived.

so, there she is, two years old and crying when i leave her in nursery for two hours and then crying when i come to pick her up. fickle, curious, independent, funny, observant and lovely.

my mouse. happy birthday.

weekly mouse

this week we pulled seth's cradle out of the closet that is our storage space and set it up (this was to make room for the enormous pile of boxes we pulled from our friends patio after they finished moving). ava was intrigued. she has spent a good amount of time talking about "ses" and his bed and making small cradle-like beds all about the house. this one was set up in the front door using a laundry basket, the beach quilt and my blankee (something ava is becoming attached to. i can see a petty childish fight in my near future as i insist i be the one who sleeps with her own blankee and ava be the one to sleep with hers).
i think in this picture she's imitating marat's death. vive le france!

sadly. . .

my fetus is still a fetus.

and he's exhausting me.

32 days

as an 8-month pregnant woman, i am large (so you'll be lucky if i post a picture on here). i am also a little awkward. in fact, i truly look forward to the day when i can move around without banging my stomach into things (several times it has been the back of ryan's chair as he sits and works at the dining room table and i am going in and out of the kitchen. that really hurts). and ava's nearly had to give up on my lap, although we've compromised and she can easily and comfortably rest on one leg if i'm sitting in lotus. i remember counting the days down to hugging ryan again. now i'm counting the days down to hugging ryan and holding ava.

seth is head down all the time now, with his spine against mine and his knees sometimes bumping out of my stomach. he's more of a roller than a jabber now, in movement. i guess he's running out of room. i really love holding my hand over my stomach and feeling his little knees skimming my fingertips. i so look forward to seeing him be a newborn: watching the funny, pointed lips yawn, the wrinkled fingers spread wide and then curl into fists and press up against his cheeks. so funny that something so ugly can be so beautiful to its creator (and grandparents).

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i have four little bushes on my patio and they are all bursting with ripe tomatoes. i feel as though i've discovered a cure for cancer when i see these red babies. i'm definitely doing this next year.
and yes, that is a gravy boat. it has a handle which makes it ideal for holding while i pick tomatoes.