warning: don't have children. DO. NOT. HAVE. CHILDREN.
unless you plan on sticking them in show business and being pushy, pushy, pushy until they make it big and answer this question: "what will you do with your first paycheck?" with, "buy my mother a house in the south of france."
it's been a looong night.
the other day it occurred to me that ava had never had an ice cream cone. so i rectified that situation and took her 31 flavors. she was so thrilled when the man handed her the cone she held it with both hands out to the man and woman standing behind her and exclaimed, "this is my very own ice cream cone!" if i hadn't been so distracted by my ice cream, i would have hugged her to death right then and there.
it is dangerous to be a mother.
last week we went to the beach and it was AWESOME. the weather was priceless and the children LOVED it. we stayed for four hours. i repeat, FOUR HOURS. this preview to summer, my most favorite of all the seasons, has me anticipating the hot weather with an itch. i love warm weather and sunshine, i love being outside and i love playing all day. it makes me feel alive.
so here's to the summer, to the beach and to the hopes that the hairiest man alive will still be there. gotta love the hairiest man alive.
also, there are those of you who are reading this, who know me and who don't live next to the beach. come and stay with me. i will take you to the beach. it will rejuvenate you.
seth using someone else's hat to cover up his little bald head. yeah, i forgot a hat. my poor children.
ava and her friend hazel with their blow-up rings and a piece of seaweed that ava informed me was a "rope", a "pet" and a "stuck". i don't know what that means.saturday called for a roadtrip since i was going up to san luis obispo for the previously mentioned cousin's wedding. ryan couldn't make it, so ava, seth and i recruited my sister for help on the journey. so, we set off in high spirits and things were going well. seth fell asleep early on and ava was singing the only line she knew from sleeping beauty's 'once upon a dream' over and over and over again ("i know you. once upon a dream, i know you. . ."). then i remembered i forgot pajamas to change the children into on the way home, making the transition from careseat to bed easy.
oh, well. we continued onward, admiring the ocean view and the green hills, due to all the rain. then i remembered that i'd forgotten a dress for ava to wear to the reception.
"what's she going to wear?" my sister asked.
"I have no idea." I said, grimly.
still, we soldiered on. then i remembered that i had no shoes except my heels. and no diaper for ava to wear on the way home. and amanda asked, "what did you bring?"
well, that's easy: my camera and both lenses. and guess how many pictures i took? zero. i was in one of the most picturesque places in the world and i didn't even manage one picture.
so we stopped at wal-mart and amanda, the lucky girl who brought her shoes, ran in to pick up a few items. and ava informed me that she'd had a potty accident in her carseat. with a cringe i got her out and changed her into the spare pair of panties that i keep in the diaper bag. then, standing in the driver seat, she informed me that she had to go potty. and then she went. all over my seat. like a horse. i must have looked a little stressed because she looked up at me and said, "sorry, mom. it's not my fault."
this is after we forgot ryan's temple clothes, had to go back and get them, forgot his socks and had to rent them at the temple and my temple recommend popped up as expired.
what a funny day. it is obvious to me that i am in need of help. somehow i became the mom i vowed i'd never be before i had kids.
saturday my cousin isabelle got married and ryan and i went down to the los angeles temple to witness the ceremony. going to temple sealings (called such because the couple is sealed for all time and eternity) is such an honor. even though mormon families are often big, the temple sealing rooms are small and only family and close friends that are old enough and worthy can come in. so, while i've known many people to be married, i've really only been to a handful of sealings. typically, the ceremony itself is rather short, so the gentleman conducting the ordinance always adds a bit of advice or a bit of sermon. i love it because every sealing is a little different and i always come away newly inspired about marriage.
one special moment that stuck with me is when isabelle and abe stood and looked in the mirrors (temple sealing rooms have two mirrored walls facing eachother so that when you look into them you can see no end, a symbol of eternity) and the sealer pointed out that they stood side by side, equal partners for eternity and that the beautiful chandelier, a symbol of the light of Christ, stood over them.
i find so much comfort in my religion and that symbol of Christ being centered over a marriage where two people are equally yoked struck me as so beautiful. this world can be such a tricky one, full of sorrow and hardship, but also joy and experience. i'm so grateful for the things that i have, for God, for my husband and for the opportunity to face the world fortified.
1. What was I doing 10 years ago?10 year ago I was 15. what I remember about being 15: I had a "hen party" for my birthday and wanted to have a pet tiger and an orphanage when I grew up. 2.Things On My To Do list 1. make chocolate cookies but omit the chocolate chips and roll them in cinnamon sugar before baking them. 2. call my mom up and tell her about the cookies. 3. Bad Habits 1. fruit juice. 2. procrastination. 3. spending money 4. Places I have Lived 1. where i am living right now 2. orem, ut 3. san dimas, ca 5. Things Most People Don't Know About Me 1. i have been to europe 5 times. 2. my favorite place was italy. it felt like home. 3. the second trip to italy i wrote a story that later won best fictional piece at my college. 4. at one point, ryan and i had 11 cats in our 2 bedroom apartment. 5. i am a mostly vegetarian.
i tag the hambly fambly, mandy, amanda and jenn.
saturday we went down the 101 to griffith park. this is a place that i have memories of as a kid and i love coming back. actually, i love any chance to head into the "city" so i was definitely more excited than ava, who was thrilled. this, in turn, thrilled seth, who tried to scale ryan on numerous occasions in order to join in the fun. ava's favorite parts were the climbing and mine were the picture taking, even though my picture taking moments were often marred by a bad focus. i have no idea what was going on with me that day, but it definitely wasn't picturesque.
this train ride came at the end and was ava's favorite part. she thought every train she stepped on was going to be the train ride and kept asking tour guides to "make the train go". our day ended with exhausted children, an exhausted ryan and this baby getting a diaper change in the trunk:
it was the biggest thrill of his day.
being married has taught me this: there are things you grow up with that are "just the way things are done" and it can be such a surprise to find out that not everyone does them. like how you load the dishwasher. ryan puts the silverware in upside down. or whether or not you get to open your birthday presents before cake or after. or how the socks are folded. ask ryan about this sometime. not only do i fold the socks wrong (yes, the question, "there is a right way?" should be asked right now), but somehow it causes ryan to hold up the folded socks with one hand, point at them with his other hand and laugh.
"look at how silly this looks!" he says, happily. "isn't that ridiculous?"
i have to admit that i don't laugh, i just stand there. because it's not funny, it's not silly, it's not even ridiculous. it is a pair of socks that have been washed, sorted, paired up and folded.
despite the many moments in our day where ryan points at my handiwork and laughs his head off, we have found several practices our families both did that we wish to continue. one of them is this:
on saturday mornings, somehow, everyone ends up in bed with us. at this point we even have a routine way we do it. for example, ava always gets in on ryan's side. that's because he doesn't start hyperventilating after being kicked a thousand times in one minute. and seth comes in with me. so i spend my morning avoiding his slobbery little hands as he grabs for my cheeks and tries to suck on my nose. with vigor. it's endearing. and yet, not.
as wiggly as it is, it reminds me of the days when my parent's bed was a california king-sized water bed and we six children climbed in. oh, the riotous fun we had sloshing around on it!
ryan says that his family all gathered in his bed. i think it's because ryan was an aloof child. and if there's one thing i've learned about being in that family, it's that they snuggle. with almost as much vigor as seth and his fat, slobbery hands. my sister-in-law's husband, justin and i have bonded over this fact. sometimes he starts a story about his wife's vigorous snuggling and i finish it. because ryan snuggles the same way. it's like i'm wearing him.
the funny thing is, when we first married, i endured that snuggling. ryan is tall and skinny and could somehow wrap his entire body around mine like a maypole. i would have to position my lips so that they found air underneath ryan's arm and sort of suck the air in carefully. until, "ENOUGH!" i'd do my best to unwind his length and give myself some room. somehow, after four years, i've succumbed. at night i'm the one reaching over, holding his hand while i fall asleep. all of that physical contact has worn me down and i'm lonely if there isn't an elbow in my face. if ryan has somehow fallen asleep without remembering to squeeze me until my breathing is shallow, i will position myself in such a way that makes breathing nearly impossible. then i'll fall asleep. seriously? i've seen litters of puppies that like less pysical contact than ryan does.
this girl:
is getting big. that, my friends, is a bike. with training wheels. and that, my friends, is my daughter riding it.
gah!
the other day ryan and i were giggling together and ava said, "why are you guys laughing?"
and this morning she announced that she dreamed of "flying with butterfly wings on my back".
this boy:
is sleeping in a crib and doesn't look too small to be doing so.
he has two teeth.
he reaches for me no matter who's holding him.
he sits up and plays with a basket of toys for extended periods of time.
i'm on the phone with my mom and we're talking about our passports.
"do you know where yours is?" my mom asks.
i do the whole laugh-it-off while desperately searching my memory for where it might be. "do i know where it is?" i say, my tone a bit higher than normal. i remember, relax and say, "i think it's in the folder marked 'important papers'."
then she laughed. and i didn't get it. unless she was laughing because hers was filed away in the filing cabinet for the M through Q items and it was in a file that was red to signify it had something to do with international travel and it was marked, 'passport-current'.
there's this anal gene that i totally missed out on.
ava: i went to the doctors house. my tummy hurt. they checked my ears and my tummy. i had juice and water and watched harry potter. harry potter is scary. (mother's note: i did not approve the movie, ryan did. and he said nothing else was on. and he was desperate for her to stop crying. please cut us some slack, it was a long night.)
so, we had quite the night the other night.
ava went to the emergency room due to some serious stomach aches that magically disappeared when she puked. i joked with the nurse that we took her to the er so she wouldn't puke in the house, but the nurse didn't laugh. you know what else? she didn't even crack a smile. unforgivable, if you ask me. we need to do something about the healthcare in this country.
you know what else needs to be done about the healthcare in this country? we need to somehow fix the gaping hole that is making everything awful for everyone else. there we were, two young parents with a child who'd had severe abdominal pain and we couldn't get a straight answer from anyone with a medical degree. they just wanted us to do tests. and tests. and tests and tests and...
when they suggested a unrine test which included a catheter i interupted, "you think that's necessary? she seems calmer now."
"well you said she seemed like she was in a lot of pain."
i paused, not know what to do. i was weighing the pros and cons. the pros, as far as i know them are nonexistant unless she has something scary. the cons? well that's easy: do you want to hold your screaming two-year-old down while some stranger inserts a catheter? yeah, i thought so. i look at ryan for back up and he shrugs "well..." i start. then i end in a shrug, too.
"it all depends on what you want us to do." says the nurse.
well, that's helpful. did i mention that i studied literature and cultural anthropology in college? there is very little medical anything covered in those subjects. so why is she asking me what i want to do? why doesn't someone in that hospital man up and tell me what they think is going on?
because my fellow americans sued them to death. and then a bunch of other fellow americans never paid for their medical care. so i'm stuck with a nurse who is so busy trying to cover her own rear end she hasn't noticed that i can't properly understand the importance of this urine test because when i went to college i wanted to talk about how that short story could be about war. or sex. or war and sex.
so we watch ava drink a styrofoam cup of apple juice and notice that it has no effect on her, we sign some papers and leave with a teddy bear named casey (ava's delighted with him) and a HUGE hospital bill. because we drank their juice and watched five minutes of harry potter. and talked to a nurse who wouldn't even use her medical expertise to help me understand what was best for this situation.
on top of that, taxes are being raised and ryan and i are already poor. or broke. or whatever you people are calling it these days. we have very little money. and now, we'll have less because a bunch of idiots can't stop spending money they don't have and keep asking me for more. in fact, california is keeping our tax return because they don't know how to stick to a freaking budget!
i'm so over humankind right now.
ryan and i are shopping when we see this magnet. i say, "so when you make dinner is the secret ingredient resentment?"
ryan answers, "don't be silly lady, i would never make dinner."
(and if he did, most likely, i wouldn't eat it.)
saturday morning i went to pick something up off the floor and hurt my back. i was going to take a shower, so i continued on with the thought, hoping the hot water would be the cure.
it was not.
when i went to get seth out of bed, i stood gasping in his bedroom door, the pain making it impossible to move. ryan heard me and came to my rescue.
my entire saturday was spent hobbling about the house like an 80-year-old woman, or lying in bed. the day was ruined. ruined! i was so mad tears came to my eyes on several occasions. i hate being impaired, i hate not being able to do my job, i hate having ryan do everything.
the good news: as of saturday night the pain has lessened significantly. for example, i was not doubled when i moved from the bed to the couch and i even crawled into bed with ava to sing her some goodnight songs.
"are you done resting?" she asked me.
maybe.
note: i was not. i am still not. what is up with the health in this house? it's practically nonexistent!
