review review

the review reception was lovely. fabulous. very nerve-wracking. i didn't know that this was the way it would be, but i led the thing (around. by the nose). hart got up and spoke a little, tracy got up and spoke a little and then i got up and spoke (i have no idea how long, i think i slipped in to a coma where my body still stands and speaks) and then conducted and closed.

this has been such a journey for me. and the funny thing is, i've only talked about it to a couple people because it's been so difficult to stick words to. i think 'i've learned so much' but just what it is that i've learned, i'm not a hundred percent sure of.

this i know:
i can do this. i can talk about fiction and poetry and edit it all and i can do it all very well. i forgot that i had this talent and that it was also a passion of mine. i forgot that a good poem could make me feel the world well up in my chest and come out through tears in my eyes. that there are FEELINGS and THOUGHTS evoked by a art. i love art, i just remembered.

i love people with opinions. even if they don't match mine. even if i hate them. i love that people think things through in their own way and then express it.

i am ava's mother and that is my most consuming "position" right now. i'm also ryan's wife. and the house cleaner, grocery-buyer, cook, etc. but i am also just me, the simple quiet kind of me that can write and do it well and sing and read and understand the things that i am doing. i've known this all along, but i guess i didn't realize how much of that part of me there actually was. it's there, a lot of it.

you know, that's only the top layer. there's more: one part a spiritual part, not just a self part. there is something so deeply spiritual when it comes to books and poems. it's not just a past time, it's not just something nice to look at or think of. i don't fully understand that part yet (perhaps i never will).

and all in all, i'm grateful. i'm grateful to my mother-in-law for watching ava while i went off every tuesday afternoon to do this, i'm grateful to my mom and dad for seeing more than just a bookworm and helping me get an early start on good literature and writing techniques (for a starter). i'm grateful that i married a man who, in the beginning, wanted this for me more than i did. he just knew how good it would be, i think. and of course, hart and tracy for giving me the responsibility.